Fan Mail
Every once in a while I get a comment that rubs me the wrong way. I usually ignore them and press the “junk comment” button, sending the offending comment down the proverbial data toilet. But this comment is epic. When dumb people speak, or type, the truth can be found in between the lines. Hell, some of it is spelled out very clearly. This one is supposedly from someone who thinks they are the best thing to happen to bartending since Jerry Thomas. Everything he says in his comment is everything I hate about bartending. Don’t get me wrong, I love bartending, but it is people like this that make being a “professional” bartender difficult.
This comment was made, by Dan, on a post I did discussing an article in the San Francisco Chronicle about drinks bartenders hate to make. Please note the spelling and punctuation. I though my writing was bad:
hey darcy when i come into your bar why dont you blow me, that will make me happy. you must be a card carrying retard to like making mojitos. first of all they are not drinks that are designed to be on an industrial scale. keeping ingrediants fresh is paramount to a proper drink and having enough fresh mint daily just isn't cost effective. furthermore you must work with sam malone at cheers and hang out all day just waiting for somone to ask you for a dring. any real bartender at a real bar (one with more than 10 people per night and serves more than draft beer) would know that stop[ing everything to make some idiot a mojito interupts your working flow and costs you money in the end. as for cosmoss, bartenders dont harte the drink they hate the people ordering them. a middle aged woman who is a sex and the city wannabe is not who you want at the bar. please quit bartending and ruining the profession for people who know what they are doing
Well Dan, here is what I think;
1. I’m a bartender, not a prostitute, so I don’t blow people. I don’t know what you do for your tips, but hey whatever you need to do to pay the rent.
2. I like Mojito’s, I’ve never heard a Cuban bartender complain and whine about making one, so why should I, that’s what I get paid to do.
3. You may like “industrial” flavoured drinks, but I prefer my drinks not burn my throat when I drink them.
4. So freshness is paramount, but you only make industrial scale drinks. I can smell the powdered sweet and sour mix already.
5. Fresh mint is cheap, it actually grows like a weed and doesn’t cost a penny.
6. What the hell is a “dring”? Oh, you mean drink.
7. Bartending is more than just making drinks fast
8. Making crappy drinks costs a bar money, because who want to order another round of industrial crap from a hate filled jerk.
9. Hating the people who pay your salary is probably why you are so bitter. If you can’t handle people, why are you even in this business?
10. I’m happy with what I do, maybe you should quit.
11. Have another drink.
Ahhh, the Internet, it makes me wonder. To quote one of Canada’s great Prime Ministers; “I’ve been called worse things by better people”.
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20 Comments on Fan Mail
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What an ass - Now I can see why I get horrible drinks. By no means am I a professional bartender, but when I make something for others(friends, etc.)I would never give them something I thought was garbage. You can tell all they care about is money and not the quality of their work. But it was an entertaining read I must say..lol
Why do you get all the cool e-mails?
What a moron. Your response was classic. The kind of service this meat head provides is exactly what prompts me to return my industrial quality cocktail back for a full refund. He needs to find a new job --one that doesn't require him to speak or write!
Well I hope I never show up at the bar--no, club/disco full of children--where Danny-boy works. No doubt the "music" is too loud, the pampered under-age patrons are insipid, and the service is terrible (the last part is obvious, of course). Ah well, I prefer blues clubs anyway so I think I am safe. Hey! apropos of nothing: I am looking for recipes for Halloween-themed cocktails that taste great but look gross (or are named grossly). Any suggestions??
Thanks Darcy, for NOT pushing the 'junk comment' button - I needed a good laugh! I loved your witty response! The downside to this, unfortunately, is that there are idiots like Dan out there, and they can give bartenders a bad rep.
Number 8 pretty much sums it up. Hopefully these types of emails don't get you down, I've really enjoyed the site and your write-ups ever since I found it.
Cheers,
ed.
Fabulous post, Darcy! I mean, wow, the vitriol that comes through regarding quality drinking, and, I don't know, actually serving guests - a primary job competency for a bartender last time I checked, by someone who's supposedly chosen it as a profession is mind-blowing.
Congrats on a fine response to severely misguided "bartender". This is how robot bartenders get invented; I'm sure of it.
I used to bartend at a high-volume college bar, and although I admit to having felt a twinge of panic when the customers were ten deep and somebody just ordered thirty German rattlesnakes (a layered shot with four components - Kahlua, Baileys, Rumplemintz, and Jagermeister), I've really never understood the angry bartender phenotype. As I understand it, money can be exchanged for goods and services, and unless you bartend at a place that only carries "both kinds of beer" (Bud AND Bud Light), you're gonna have to do a little work.
P.S. Go easy on the Molecular Biologists, we're sensitive. :)
Guys like that are why I usually drink at home.
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I would never have read past the first line !
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That...Is awesome. I've known some bitter bartenders, but they all either left the industry or knew that said bitterness wasn't something they should be showing when they were on the job.
Well, except for the one guy in town whose horrifying attitude has made him a local legend.
You know what word nobody uses much anymore--douche. But that pretty much describes that "bartender."
I guess spilling out some chardonnay and yanking a Corona cap is his idea of making drings--I mean drinks.
But really, that's all he has time for, since he's too busy blowing people to make up for the shit tips he gets from the I-just-turned-21! crowd he serves.
I am always surprised at how the mojito is considered a "time consuming" drink to craft. At least you aren't ordering the Wilson South Camp Road Cocktail ...
I feel dumber for just having read that.
I harte when people cant handle their drings. Is a cosmoss a Cosmos that's been sitting around too long?
Awesome Darcy! Ha ha ha... keep mixing excellent mojitos and drinks... and who ever said 'industrial scale' was something good?
Hmm.... I am not a professional anything, but I do tend bar for all of my friends when they have parties and that is way more than ten people a night. And, we are a bunch of drink geeks that like to challenge each other with vintage Tiki recipes. And drinks with strange or obscure ingredients.
I have never yet considered someone asking me for a drink to be an interruption to the evening or workflow. (even if it isn't a professional workflow)
Thank you for sharing this one, I think I know exactly what kind of 'bar' this dingleberry works.....
I think I agreed with the person that said douche wasn't used much anymore but should be with this guy. I am a professional, and yes when you're busy it can be derailing to the flow to stop and make a drink like that, but that is what you get paid for, and any decent bar doesn't want to come across as doing anything on an industrial scale, unless of course your bartending at Sudsy Malones
What an idiot?Let me know were he works so I dont go there.
once again, i am stupified by some human beings. retarded bartenders in particular.