Bartender Fan Mail

Every once in a while I get a comment that rubs me the wrong way. I usually ignore them and press the “junk comment” button, sending the offending comment down the proverbial data toilet. But this comment is epic. When dumb people speak, or type, the truth can be found in-between the lines. Hell, some of it is spelled out very clearly. This one is supposedly from someone who thinks they are the best thing to happen to bartending since Jerry Thomas. Everything he says in his comment is everything I hate about bartending. Don’t get me wrong, I love bartending, but it is people like this that make being a “professional” bartender difficult.

This comment was made, by Dan on a post I wrote, discussing an article in the San Francisco Chronicle about drinks bartenders hate to make. Please note the spelling and punctuation. I thought my writing was bad!

hey darcy when i come into your bar why dont you blow me, that will make me happy. you must be a card carrying retard to like making mojitos. first of all they are not drinks that are designed to be on an industrial scale. keeping ingrediants fresh is paramount to a proper drink and having enough fresh mint daily just isn’t cost effective. furthermore you must work with sam malone at cheers and hang out all day just waiting for somone to ask you for a dring. any real bartender at a real bar (one with more than 10 people per night and serves more than draft beer) would know that stop[ing everything to make some idiot a mojito interupts your working flow and costs you money in the end. as for cosmoss, bartenders dont harte the drink they hate the people ordering them. a middle aged woman who is a sex and the city wannabe is not who you want at the bar. please quit bartending and ruining the profession for people who know what they are doing

Well, Dan here is what I think;

1. I’m a bartender, not a prostitute, so I don’t blow people. I don’t know what you do for your tips, but hey whatever you need to do to pay the rent.
2. I like Mojito’s, I’ve never heard a Cuban bartender complain and whine about making one, so why should I, that’s what I get paid to do.
3. You may like “industrial” flavoured drinks, but I prefer my drinks not burn my throat when I drink them.
4. So freshness is paramount, but you only make industrial scale drinks. I can smell the powdered sweet and sour mix already.
5. Fresh mint is cheap, it actually grows like a weed and doesn’t cost a penny.
6. What the hell is a “dring”? Oh, you mean drink.
7. Bartending is more than just making drinks fast
8. Making crappy drinks costs a bar money, because who wants to order another round of industrial crap from a hate-filled jerk.
9. Hating the people who pay your salary is probably why you are so bitter. If you can’t handle people, why are you even in this business?
10. I’m happy with what I do, maybe you should quit.
11. Have another drink.

Ahhh, the Internet, it makes me wonder. To quote one of Canada’s great Prime Ministers; “I’ve been called worse things by better people”